The first step to escaping is to create a new identity. The person that got you here has to be replaced. You need to become someone new. The kind of person that doesn’t get arrested. The kind of person that doesn’t use drugs or alcohol, keep toxic relationships, or any of the other habits that got you to this current place.
When you start to design and create this new Identity, you do not ned to change everything about yourself. We all have some good traits that just need fine tuned. Take some time and really dive deep into who you are now. A lot of the people I have met and talked to that are in prison are exceptionally hard working.It is not easy to live that lifestyle. The never-ending chase for the next hustle or the next fix is a lot harder than any 9-5 job. So that is a trait you want to keep in your new persona. Maybe you are good at sales? Some of us are natural born leaders. Go deep down the self awareness rabbit hole.
There is also going to be things about yourself that you do not like. This is the time to change them. We are doing a full on overhaul to who we are. A big part of my new identity was being fit. Growing up I was the chubby kid. I had never been in particularly good shape. So now that would change. The new persona was someone who works out, a lot. I lived this persona every day. In 5 years I never missed a workout. It was who I was. The longer I lived this way, the more it became how others saw me as well. I wasn’t a gangster, I wasn’t some helpless junkie. I was just the workout guy.
In this deep dive of who I was I realized something else. I had already decided that I was done with drugs and alcohol. I knew that it would just land me right back in the same prisons again. But it came to me that the feelings of embarrassment and guilt that I used to feel when I was using were gone. I saw that on a lot of occasions it was those feelings that also caused me to use again to try and wash away. It was a nasty cycle, get drunk, do some stupid shit, even if that was as simple as just acting a fool, wake up feeling embarrassed, drink the feelings away. Once I thought about this, I knew that the new me was different. I was not going to fall into the guilt addiction. I do not use. One of the first questions you are going to be asked when you get to a prison is if you get high. It is important to make it super clear right then that you do not fuck around in any way. For one, this just reinforces your new id, but also really helps keep you from getting killed over drugs later. You are never going to be free if you are using. Over and over I would see guys get out, then a few weeks later be right back in. Always the same story. Once something happened, something good, something bad, that part didn’t matter, there would be an event and they would start using. Once they got high, it was only a matter of time.
As a new person, you are going to need some new friends. To be honest most of this is going to happen naturally. Your old buddies are not going to like this new healthy happy person. Your workouts will be to hard for them, the sobriety will offend them, and hearing about all your big new plans will get old. It’s not their fault, and it is not your fault. You are a different person than before. Most of the people you are associating with when you get locked up, are only hanging out because you are just a little more fucked up than they are. Being a drunk doesn’t sound so bad when your buddy is a junkie. To be honest there is going to nee to be a period of time that you really just don’t have any friends. The old ones you cut out, they know the old you. New friends are going to be hard to make while you are busy fine tuning the new you.
Being healthy and sober is great, it will keep you out of trouble, but to be free, you also need some money. What kind of work you want to do is also part of your new identity. There is a ton of options out there, and I even wrote about it a little here https://escapinginmate.com . Start thinking about the kind of work the new you would do. For me it was to become a builder. I had a background in construction, and the builders were the top of the top. I knew that to be a builder I had to know business, real estate, financing, architecture, etc… there was a lot to learn, and fortunately I had a lot of time to learn. When I wasn’t working out, I was learning. While the other guys were looking at Maxim or Playboy, I was getting Better Homes and Gardens or Sunset. I lived the new life. I looked at every action I took and asked, will this get me closer to where I want to be, or further away. At this current point in time, I am super bullish on computer programming. To me this is like construction was for me. There is really no barrier to entry. You don’t need a degree, you don’t need to be any special pedigree, almost anyone good at problem solving can learn it. The more you put into it, the more you will make. Tech is also in a really cool new spot, it is changing, and nobody is really an expert. With things like AI and robotics, we are all beginners.
This might all sound a little extreme to you. I am sure you can find an example of someone that made it even though they had a few drinks, or still hung around with their old hommies. There are always some outliers in any example. But to me, this is your only chance. You are currently at the bottom. Rock bottom. To climb out of this hell hole is going to be hard as fuck, you will need every possible advantage. This is the time to be extreme.